Thanksgiving and Family Gatherings: Managing Stress and Setting Boundaries
Thanksgiving is a time for celebration, gratitude, and gathering with loved ones. However, family gatherings can also bring about stress, conflict, and emotional challenges. Whether it’s the pressure of hosting, unresolved family dynamics, or differing opinions, many people find it difficult to navigate the holiday season with ease.
For those who have experienced strained relationships or come from first-generation immigrant families, holidays can come with the added pressure of cultural expectations and generational differences. It's important to remember that while Thanksgiving is a time for connection, it’s also essential to prioritize your mental health by setting boundaries and managing the stress that may come with these gatherings.
The Emotional Complexity of Family Gatherings
Family gatherings can be wonderful opportunities to reconnect, but they also tend to stir up unresolved feelings and emotions. In the context of Thanksgiving, family reunions can remind us of past conflicts, disagreements, or even losses. Whether it's the aunt who criticizes your life choices or the pressure to explain your career path to your parents, these situations can feel overwhelming.
Acknowledging these emotions before heading into the holiday season is the first step toward preparing yourself for a more balanced experience. While you may not be able to change others' behavior, you can take steps to manage your own responses and set boundaries that support your well-being.
Why Boundaries Matter During the Holidays
Boundaries are essential to maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your mental health. They allow you to set limits on what you’re willing to tolerate and help you communicate your needs to others. During Thanksgiving, boundaries can help you:
Maintain Emotional Balance: Setting limits allows you to control your environment and the people you engage with. If certain conversations trigger you or certain individuals drain your energy, boundaries can help prevent burnout and emotional overwhelm.
Prevent Resentment: If you always say yes to things you don’t want to do—whether it’s cooking the entire meal, hosting the event, or answering invasive questions—resentment can build. Setting boundaries reduces the likelihood of feeling frustrated or taken advantage of.
Protect Your Peace: Family dynamics can be complicated, and it’s easy to get pulled into old roles or patterns. Boundaries act as a shield, allowing you to enjoy the parts of the gathering that matter most to you while minimizing interactions that disrupt your peace.
Strategies for Managing Stress and Setting Boundaries
If Thanksgiving typically leaves you feeling emotionally drained, here are some strategies to help you navigate family gatherings with greater ease:
1. Set Clear Expectations
Before attending a family gathering, think about what you hope to get out of the event. What are your limits? What topics are off-limits for you? By setting clear expectations for yourself, you can walk into the situation with a plan. It’s okay to share these expectations with family members too. For example, if you don’t want to discuss your personal life or career, you can politely request that those topics remain off the table.
2. Practice Saying “No”
It can be difficult to say “no” to family, especially when cultural or generational expectations are at play. However, it’s important to recognize that you are not obligated to say yes to every request. Practice saying “no” kindly but firmly when asked to do something that feels burdensome or uncomfortable. For example, “I appreciate the offer, but I need to prioritize my own rest this year” is a polite yet firm way to decline extra responsibilities.
3. Take Breaks to Recharge
Family gatherings can be overstimulating, especially if there’s a lot of activity and conversation. Don’t hesitate to step away for some quiet time if you feel overwhelmed. Take a walk, find a quiet room, or spend a few minutes breathing and centering yourself. Breaks give you time to recharge and collect your thoughts before rejoining the gathering.
4. Have an Exit Strategy
If the gathering becomes too much, it’s perfectly acceptable to leave early. You can establish an exit plan in advance, letting your host know that you may have to leave after a certain time or have another commitment later in the day. Knowing you have an exit plan can alleviate anxiety and give you more control over your experience.
5. Be Mindful of Triggers
If certain family members or topics tend to trigger strong emotions, prepare yourself in advance for how you’ll handle those situations. You can create a mental list of topics or responses to shift the conversation if needed. If someone brings up a sensitive subject, for example, you might respond with, “I’d rather not discuss this today—let’s talk about something else.” This helps you assert your boundary without escalating the situation.
6. Stay Present and Focus on What You’re Grateful For
Thanksgiving is, after all, a time to reflect on gratitude. While family dynamics can be challenging, there are often moments of connection and joy that make the holiday season special. Practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment and embracing small, positive interactions that bring you joy. Whether it’s sharing a meal or watching the sunset, these moments can ground you and bring balance to the holiday experience.
How Therapy Can Help
If you find that family gatherings are a consistent source of stress, working with a therapist can help you explore the deeper dynamics at play and develop personalized strategies for setting boundaries and managing anxiety. Therapy can offer a safe space to process family relationships, cultural expectations, and generational differences, particularly for BIPOC individuals and first-generation Canadians who may face unique cultural and familial pressures.
Final Thoughts
Thanksgiving and other family gatherings don’t have to be a source of dread or anxiety. By setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and taking control of your experience, you can make family gatherings a more positive and less stressful time. This holiday season, prioritize your well-being and remember that it’s okay to say no, take breaks, and protect your peace.
To learn more about the Your Story Counselling Team and the services we offer
WHO WE ARE
Your Story Counselling Services is a multicultural, inclusive, BIPOC clinic that offers online services as well as in-person sessions in Vaughan and Markham.
Judy Lui and her team of clinicians and supervised therapist interns offer trauma-informed, clinical counselling in the form of art, play, and talk therapy. With an emphasis on social equity and justice,
Your Story offers counselling at a range of fee levels. Judy continues to see her own clients, manage the business as Clinical Director, and mentor Master’s-level therapist interns.
Judy has been featured in the Toronto Star, where she discussed the impact of mental health struggles and the toll of COVID-19 on romantic relationships. She also co-authored a chapter in the first edition of An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy Centering the Lives of Indigenous, Racialized, and People of Color. She is a committee member with the Anti-Racism Advocacy Group at the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association, where she helps organize community events and panels on racial trauma and advocacy.
Judy is also one of three 2024 RBC Canadian Women Entrepreneur Awards Micro-Business Finalists and will represent the Central Ontario Region for this honour.
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